HEIR on the RUN-MAN APPREHENDED!
Or "Excuse me Senor, how do you say ÔDate RapeŐ in Spanish" Ę RP: Puerto Vallarta, Mexico: Working with local authorities, members of Runman International Special Ops unit have successfully facilitated the capture of wanted cereal rapist( he eats fruit loops before committing his heinous acts) and heir to the Max Factor fortune, Andrew BLOCKHEAD Luster. Staging the 1st annual Puerto Vallarta Runman Film Festival, members of the unit successfully lured the fugitive Luster into the trunk of a rental car, by placing a sign on the bumper that read: " Amigos, Runman Film Festival, aqui!" Once in the trunk, the unit tossed in a prairie dog roadkill, a copy of MEXICAN MOISTIES magazine, locked the trunk, did many shots of Tequila, and then went off-roading for awhile, before handing him over to local authorities. Luster was featured in several RUNMAN films, long before his forays in Anesthesiology and coma fisting. A member of the RUNMAN SUICIDAL SANDBAR SURFERS, LusterŐs large square head(hence blockhead) was genetically perfect for withstanding the savage poundings he endured at Drainers in promise of eternal celluloid fame in the RUNMAN films. While never proven, it has been speculated by some experts that the gruesome wipeouts he experienced in RUNMAN, could have altered his brain chemistry and his penis could only become erect if a snoring sound was detected by his auditory faculties. Or it could also be possible that he was so ugly that a passed out female was his only chance for getting laid. One fact is certain. That fact is that Luster was convinced, despite all evidence to the contrary, that he was one of the worldŐs great surfers, and any chance to see his surfing image on the screen or in a photo motivated him beyond recall. The RUNMAN unit was aware of this and used LusterŐs fixation of himself to lead to his ultimate downfall and capture. A search of LusterŐs hotel room revealed a journal in which the following cryptic messages were written: " 10:30 AM- get a hummer from that Burro that was giving me the eye; 12-check the internet to see if I got into film school; 2pm- cancel all appointments for the next 124 years; 4pm- watch myself lying on DATELINE NBC; 6pm- practice gluteal stretches in preparation of Anal rapes in prison(note to myself: why donŐt I get to be drugged?) 8pm-BUY RUNMAN FILMS AND ACCESSORIES- Runmanfilms.com. Except for his 8pm entry, it is evident that these are last vestiges of a human life in a downward spiral. Runman is appalled at LusterŐs actions and is proud to have participated in his capture. Runman is planning to utilize the reward money any fucking way it wants. Adios.